When I bought this house last year, I never envisioned I would be living in it solo, or at least a solo human with a duo of rambunctious pups! Being a condo dweller my entire adult life means I have no concept of how to tend a yard properly. In the beginning, there were the Brazilians; two handsome and rugged guys who took care of my every mowing, trimming, and mulching need. But in my effort to economize and take over the yard care, something happened. I felt overwhelmed by the task, and how to begin. Slowly, the yard began to grow wild, bushy, and downright embarrassing. Being surrounded by neighbors with decently manicured yards made me feel even more inadequate and ill-equipped. In my mind, I was failing, and the tangible proof was growing green and lush right before my eyes.

Buying a lawnmower was the first step toward taking back control. While not a terribly sophisticated implement, it does a decent job of keeping the weeds and whatever sad excuse for a lawn I have decently trimmed. Pushing that little guy and seeing a wonky but halfway decently trimmed lawn had me feeling like a boss.

Then the mushrooms arrived.

Following a seemingly interminable round of very intense rains in the area, they appeared like a bunch of Technicolor hooligans, popping up in unsavory places and hanging out when you want nothing more than for them to leave. To add insult to injury, they were accompanied by all manner of gnats, grubs, and what can only be described as disgusting crawlies. Shudder.

When I came upon this bumper crop of horrors, it hit me on a very visceral level. My heart sank. In my mind, the mushrooms were there because I had failed to take care of something important. I had FAILED. And there they were; orange, brown, white and gray. A diverse and disgusting reminder of my shortcomings and inadequacies. Even though I did what was needed to scoop them up from the yard and dispose of them, my shame at having had them pop up in the first place was very real.

After pulling myself together, I decided to take my dogs for a walk to clear my head and give them some exercise. And as we trotted past each cute, well-kept house, I saw them. MUSHROOMS! Those same brightly-colored bastards peppering my yard were right there on brazen display in these seemingly perfect lawns. In that moment, it hit me: EVERYONE deals with mushrooms. Maybe they’re better at hiding them, but at some point, each of us has to confront what has sprung up in our own backyard.

One other thing to remember: mushrooms need damp conditions. They thrive on darkness, and feast on shit. And frankly, sometimes they are simply beyond our control. Mushrooms happen. Sure, I could shut my back door and never venture into the yard again. Or, I could march my ass down to the hardware store, pick up some gardening gloves and whatever eco-friendly sprays are needed, and take care of business.

So here’s the lesson I’m taking away from this little moment: RELAX. BREATHE. Be on the lookout for mushrooms, but know that they can be dealt with when (and I mean WHEN) they show up.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to the hardware store.